News & Notes from Larry's Laptop

The worst part of my accident wasn't the injuries, the pain afterwards, the limits on what I could do physically, the surgery, or the pain after that.

The worst part was the cognitive and emotional consequences of the anesthesia . . . and the worst part of that was not realizing how bad off I was while this was happening.

At first, I thought being in a funk and foggy-headed was a consequence of the trauma and the painkillers, but then the dark, hazy state continued. And continued...

Even after weeks of rest and recuperation, I found myself zapped of my usual enthusiastism and bubbliness. I couldn't get motivated; I was tired all the time. Sleep often seemed like the best—and sometimes the only—choice.

Email started piling up and projects kept backing up. I had to postpone some engagements and cancel others. What's worse, I kept making mistakes that were out of character for me, thinking each was a seperate incident . . . until they started adding up.

The first module of Mastering the Method began in Melbourne as scheduled—even though it was only two days after the accident where I had broken my right arm and sprained my left knee. Those few days were haunted by one question: "How can I teach a course that highlights hands-on technique with my arm in a sling?" 

When I spoke to colleague Anastasi Siotas about my dilemma, he acknowledged the challenge, pointing out that my favorite response when someone asks a technical question is “let me show you.”

Of course, there is much more to this advanced Feldenkrais training than specifying hand position & shape, clarifying the reason for each technique, and refining self-use. The five-day module takes on one Functional Integration composition, and this time it was a lesson for developing length and support done with the student lying on the side.

Examining the FI as if it were an Awareness Through Movement lesson, I unpacked the learning logic step-by-step, revealing the overarching strategy and detailing how the lesson unfolds. The technical, hands-on aspect plays a larger role in understanding the how and why of each technique. I know if the techniques don’t make sense and aren’t comfortable then the participants won’t incorporate them into their practice.

After a bit of worry, and considerable reflection, I managed to come up with several approaches—some tried-and-true, others novel & untested:

At our first appointment my orthopedic surgeon, Christian Heywood, compared the X-rays taken that day with the ones taken a few weeks earlier in Australia (immediately after my accident). He showed me that the 5mm gap was not closing and explained that, even with my arm in the sling, the extensor muscles of my forearm were engaging— pulling the bone away from the shaft.

Dr. Heywood showed me how these muscles attach outside where the bone was cracked, and demonstrated how they work. For instance, when making a fist the extensors contract to prevent bending the wrist. Because they would keep pulling on the bone there was a great danger that the bone would not heal. Though he was clear that is was an option, he strongly recommended surgery.

Truth be told, I wasn't so sure. Was this a necessary operation or not? I did my own research, talked to my primary care physician and other members of my medical team, and consulted a few trusted Feldenkrais colleagues who are doctors and physical therapists.

They all agreed: the risk of non-un ion was too great. It was a serious complication that would leave my upper arm bone fragile, unstable, and prone to pain and deformation. What's worse is that non-un ion would make weight-bearing difficult and dangerous. Not only wouldn't I be able to exercise, but my beloved bike-riding could be too risky and using my arm at work could become severely limited.

That made it clear: despite my trepidation, the operation was indispensable. Dr. Heywood would insert two metal screws to bring the small piece of bone back into contact with the shaft and hold it there to allow the bone to knit together. A few months of recovery and rehabilitation would make my arm strong and reliable once again.